Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
