I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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