i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
