I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize