I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
