Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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