I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
