you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
