i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
