My nipple is on Facebook.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
