I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
