is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I checked into jail on foursquare
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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