I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
