Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
