She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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