Having a random hookup so left but love u
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
