Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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