I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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