Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
