ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
