She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
