you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
my liver is dry heaving
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
