My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize