i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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