This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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