..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
