The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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