Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize