I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
