i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
