the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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