ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
