My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
