I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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