that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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