you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
