i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
