There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
