My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
