OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
