He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
