pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
