Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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