I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
