My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
