just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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