Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
