It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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