my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
