Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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