He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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