Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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