I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
