He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Randomize
