Me. At least after what I've been through.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
