Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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