She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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