A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
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