there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
