She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
