lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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