Quick, to the slutcave!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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