I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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