dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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