you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I checked into jail on foursquare
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
