So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
