the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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