is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
