Having a random hookup so left but love u
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
