So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I had to cum in my sink.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
